Today my daughter starts her first day Back-to-School. The allergy free table has always been a dilemma to me. I want her included and not singled out, yet reality calls out and tells me that her classmates did not attend Emily Post’s class on table manners. Let’s face it, they are elementary aged kids excited to be with their pals again and not spilling, spitting or smearing food is not one of their skill sets…yet. The nut free table seems to be either the no man’s land or it is the table to seen at it?! There is no middle ground. Every year, we ask ourselves and our daughter what is best for her. Yet, I always wonder about the impact of the nut free table. I hear some parents of children with life threatening food allergies strongly state that they want their children included in the class seating arrangement while I heard other parents explain that is far too dangerous. Then there is a third group who does not want their child labeled.
image courtesy of artur84 via freedigitalphotos.net
One school I know invites students with life threatening food allergies and anaphylaxis to sit at the end of the table, closest to the main walkway, so that lunch room supervisors could be aware of the students with allergies. They would then be flanked on all sides by friends not eating allergens. Another school had a the very popular nut free table, where the food allergic child was allowed to invite friends to them. What’s the right answer? Eat with the class or be segregated? Was sitting at the “cool” table all that bad? It has been my family’s belief that we want our children to be proud of who and what they are and that includes food allergies and asthma. So, sitting at the nut table was not “labeling” to us, but merely being who and what they are if the table made them feel safe during lunch.
One of the hardest things I find about managing both life threatening food allergies and asthma is talking to others. I hate to be the one that might be perceived as demanding, pushing or for asking too much. What I now know, fourteen years later, is that honest, clear information presented with kindness works!..
This post came just in time. We’re dealing with how to handle our son’s food allergies at lunch time. School started last week and we’re trying to work it out if and how he should sit at an allergy table or with the class. Last year he sat with the class but worried on some days about allergens getting on him.
Amy, did you read the other comments about asking for a nut zone. Very interesting?! Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes what is working for him. It feels like lunch changes almost with each year.
Thanks! I did just come back to read what others have to say.
As a former teacher (with several students with food allergies in my class over the years), and a mom of 3 children, I completely understand your worries. We designed a lunchbox, the FlatBox-LunchBox, that completely unzips to a placemat creating a shield from germs, bacteria and allergens. It’s machine washable too!
http://www.flatbox-lunchbox.com
Hi Solvetta,
Thanks for sharing! I’ll have to check out your lunchbox. Sounds like something my family might use.
We just had the same talk with my son who is starting 7th Grade this year. I am trying to make him feel less like the “allergic boy” and more himself. I asked if he wanted to try the regular lunch table since he’s older now and he knows what to watch for. His response- “No way. The nut free table is a booth and it’s a better seat than the tables. Plus, I can have only the people I like there.” Porblem solved. As long as he’s happy and safe, I am happy. Either way, it is a difficult decision for all of us.
Nutrimom, nice solution. I like that he really enjoys his option and choice. He sounds very empowered! Good job mom–even though the decision is tough, it sounds like your son is confident in his choices.
I know that my oldest’s best friend has several food issues, including an allergy to peanuts. He has been over here and my son has been over there, and all activities are always peanut-free and we also make sure that any food offered is suitable to his other dietary needs as well because we want him safe. At school (where my boys went to school before we started homeschooling), they do have a peanut-free table and my oldest would sit there with his best friend simply to be with his best friend. He decided that the PB&J wasn’t worth missing the time with his buddy.
My thoughts? Have the table or establish a peanut-free cafeteria. It helps a lot of people feel safe. However, let other kids without peanut allergies sit there, too, if there lunches jive. I know any way you go is not ideal, but it’s one way to go. I know the school here did this, and the non-allergy kids didn’t seem to care one way or the other. It was just a table to them where they couldn’t have peanuts.
As to forcing the kids to sit there? Why would a parent whose kid had life threatening allergies not want their kid to sit there? They shouldn’t be forced; it should just be a way of life. However, if a kid really wants to sit somewhere else, they should be able to do so with parental consent and with fair warning. Informed decisions are the best kind. It is a risk, even with the peanut-free table, because kids don’t always follow the rules. You do the best you can and work from there.
Also, why cannot the school use the opportunity to raise awareness? Why cannot they have some of these kids share their stories or the parents talk to the other parents? Yes, things are in the news, but some people need it to be personal. They need to hear that their friend has that problem, that someone they know is the mother or father of a child with a life-threatening allergy. Sure, not everyone will support, not everyone will “get it” and you will still have some jerks, but there will be the few who change, and that is worth it all. Maybe then they will find that people without food allergies are asking for safe places for the kids who do and decide on their own to have peanut-free cafeterias. It could happen. 🙂
I am able to write local articles for our towns paper, and I was asked to contribute every month. Me thinks some food allergy articles will be submitted and let’s pray they make an impact! 🙂
Julie,
There it is! I forgot about writing Op Eds for the local papers! GREAT idea. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. This type of situation really warrants creative thinking based on the school, the physical set up, education of teachers and staff and finally: the student and their comfort level. What always amazes me is how things change with the different ages and stages. No rest for the weary! Thanks again, Julie, you are wise!
I couldn’t agree more, Caroline! I wish you the best of luck with the Op Eds for the local papers! I hope my food allergy (well, allergy in general and diabetes and who knows what else) articles get published! It helps that I know someone on the staff who agrees with my mission. 🙂
Great blog Caroline! Believe it or not, even having a senior in HS this year, lunchtime still comes up! Just like your son, my 2 HS boys are very vocal about their FA, have a 504 plan, and many friends have their back. Also, living in Las Vegas has it’s benefits…they eat outside everyday. They feel safer outside. There’s no FA table like they had in elementary and middle school. In middle school the school made FA acceptable. The Principal made many tables (actually a section of the cafeteria) the allergen friendly zone. This way no one was ever alone. We’ve also experienced that middle school students don’t eat much PB&J. It’s a bonus that they prefer hot meals.
Keep in mind, the cafeteria isn’t the ONLY place where there’s food. In HS there’s vending machines outdoors and snack wrappers are all over the ground on campus , science labs deal with food (dissect shellfish), Spanish class wants to experience cooking in class, lots of student clubs sell cookies during school hours for fundraising, at times sport teams eat dinner on the bus, and for the past 4 years on the last day of school there’s a food fight in the cafeteria. Both my teens look forward to their 504 meeting with their teachers during the first week of school. They personally share these stories and feel a little more protected knowing they brought awareness to the school and also have a 504. Together they work out these issues. They have never felt excluded (oh, except one time in 4th grade when the school misunderstood what it meant to be excluded in the cafeteria – but we fixed that on the first day of school). Our family has personally experienced, that if you partner with your school and together with the nurse, principal, teachers, and students, you will find they can make FA acceptable. We have never had issues with the FA tables…because the tables were acceptable and inviting.
Dana, Thanks for reminding us all about the vending machines and after school bake sales, fundraisers, etc! I actually stopped typing and immediately sent an email to my son’s school, I had forgotten about their snack bar and I believe there might be a change of hands regarding the staff member who orders. Thanks for the reminders.
The partnership is sooo incredibly key. I hope for the day that we don’t have to fight to keep our child safe, but that it is a given. I’m sure this is exactly how other diseases were handled too…in the beginning!
This is tricky and our years of experience have lead us to only one solution: provide both a safe & inclusive lunch period by isolating the allergen (a choice to bring into school) not the allergic child (who has no choice).
When schools allow life threatening allergens in such as Peanut/nut butters, sticky hands and traces of these allergens spread easily during and after lunch. It also reinforces to parents that its perfectly fine to bring allergens into school without consciousness, awareness or sensitivity.
A designated peanut butter table keeps the allergen contained in one area. In this case keeping it clean and offering hand wipes to these kids is a snap.
On the flip side, not all students will have a friend to sit with at a Peanut free table. Although safe, it takes away the natural sense of inclusion and freedom to socialize spintaneously with a group of friends during this brief time in a student’s day. It can easily label and highlite a student at a very young age as “the allergy kid” can be difficult for many as they watch the social freedom that others have.
Wow! This a another interesting and possibly very successful view point. It really makes better sense now that I think about the challenges of trying to get everyone to understand. Also, the “choice to bring” an allergen really perked my ears up. The disease does not allow choices. This is very interesting! I would love to start this kind of discussion with my district to see what my district believes is the solution for inclusion, labeling and safety. Thank you Epi Essentials for bringing this up!
I think we don’t give kids enough credit sometimes. It is wonderful that the other kids naturally migrated to create a peanut-free table for their friend, but really, should we expect anything less?
Alisa,
I think you are sooo right! We shouldn’t expect anything less. Hope your Back to School day was good too!
My son’s schools have never had a peanut free table. He eats at the end of the table with his friends who have agreed to bring safe lunches. The school lunch is now peanut/ nut free too. He always wanted to stay with his friends and his friends gladly created a buffer zone for him. Some kids can’t do this because their allergies are more severe. I would rather see a peanut gallery— all the kids with nuts sit together in a nut zone and all other areas are peanut free. This way the FA kids aren’t isolated at one or two tables and it would reduce bullying.
Hi Vivian,
There is quite a bit of discussion about a nut gallery and that really hadn’t hit my radar. I think that isolation really lays the ground work for bullying. Think of it, a kid is having a bad day and needs to blow off the steam and instead of doing it in a healthy way, they can easily seek out the kids who are standing out and and who look vulnerable.
I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and how your son’s school handles the allergies. I truly hope one day we have some national standards and then each school tailors to accommodate their specific environment.
My son is PN and TN allergic. We do not have nut free tables and the kids sit with their own class with each class at one long rectangular table. The schools policy was to seat the kids with allergies on the ends so there were fewer kids near them (another child with food allergies across from them and only one peer next to each child. Those children were usually the ones that bought hot lunch because there were not peanut or tree nut ingredients in those foods. For first through third grades my son sat at the end and it worked great. He was at the end toward the center of the cafeteria where the lunch room monitors had a close view and knew who those kids were. We had the table wiped with bleach wipes and I put handi wipe singles in hhis lunch box. Even though he washed his hands in the classroom he still used the wipe right before he ate (and at age 11 he still does this!). I use the Wrap-n-mat to wrap his sandwich in and it serves as a clean surface to eat on. They are great and come in great designs. It looks like a “green” earth friendly alternative that serves 2 purposes. I have 5, one for each day of the week. By 4th grade I knew he needed to be prepared for middle school. His classmates all know about his allergies and are the best. With support from the school nurse and classroom teacher we allowed him to eat anywhere at the table and to be aware of what people were eating around him. His friends recognize a food he is allergic to and switch seats so as not to sit next to him! There are no peanut free tables in middle school, high school, or college. The sooner out kids with food allergies can understand their seriousness and advocate for themselves the more independent they can be. I think the younger grades need that buffer and protection COMBINED WITH EDUCATION OF STAFF AND PEERS and then they do need to learn to be more independent. My son grocery shops with me and reads all his labels. My long term goal is to make sure he is able to have opportunities like living away at college and going on class trips that may include overnights. All kids are ready at different times. I sometimes feel like “peanut free” creates a false sense of security. My son’s classrooms have always been peanut free but that requires the 20 parents to remember that, and very often there was a student eating his or her granola bar with nuts in it in the hallway “because mom/dad forgot”. I have taught my son to assume that anyone else’s lunch or snack may have allergens in it. He never shares and so far have never had an issue.
Anndra,
Thank you SO VERY much for sharing! What a wonderful reply and sharing. I think you are right on point with the the fact that middle and high school do not have nut free table options. Even if they did, the allergic kids don’t want the segregation.
I forgot that often school districts no longer sell hot lunches containing nut products. Thanks for that important share.
We use Wrap N Mats too! I will write a post with links to some of those great sites. My family likes re-usable too, but those add an extra barrier. I also think your reminder to clean before eating is KEY. Starting off with clean, allergen free hands is critical.
Thank you so much Anndra! You make me wish my daughter is in your child’s class (although, she is in the 5th grade and it sounds like your son is in the 6th grade.
Such a tough question! I have a 2nd grader w/ nut allergy. He has always sat at the “allergy table” and doesn’t complain about it. I have a lot of issues with it though. I think it creates a false sense of security. First of all, not all allergic kids are allergic to nuts. The table only bans nuts. So for those kids, all it does is make lunch attendant aware that they must have allergies. It doesn’t provide a buffer from their allergen or a “safe surface”. Second, no one polices the table. We had a kid last year bring PB to the table (he was TN allergic). You can’t expect in grade school that a staff member will verify that the people sitting at the allergy table don’t have nuts in their lunch every day. I don’t think anyone violates the rules intentionally, or intentionally put someone at risk, but if it isn’t your allergen you are a lot less sensitized to it and innocent mistakes are easy to make. These are the reasons I think the Allergy Table isn’t that great. While the idea of a Nut Zone has appeal, I think it doesn’t solve many problems when considered more seriously. I am not sure that it relieves the bullying potential. The allergy kids are known and easily blamed/a source of anger for Nut Loving Bully Girl having to sit at the isolating Nut table to eat her lunch. It also requires kids to self identify (not entirely reliable) and/or for staff to check lunches (unrealistic expectation) to designate who must sit at the Nut Table. Also, it doesn’t address the needs of any other types of food allergy sufferers. At our school, we are considering adding another option to the Nut Free Table – having the allergic kids eat with their classmates, but on a (probably disposable) tray. The tray provides the safe surface from all allergens (not just nuts). It allows them to eat with everyone else. It allows them to bring whatever is safe for them to eat (including nuts if that isn’t their allergen). This approach requires self awareness on the part of the child, trusting them not to eat or touch other people’s food, but I think most food allergic children are pretty used to those parameters. I wish I had trained my son to eat on a napkin or placemat from a young age so that it was ingrained in him like the other commenter, but I didn’t. Our school hasn’t worked out the kinks to the allergy tray idea yet – specifically finding a tray that is large enough to ensure that the kids eat lunch on it and don’t unthinkingly push it to the side, figuring out how the tray gets cleaned or if it should be disposable, etc. I’d love to hear if anyone else’s school does something like this or if you see pitfalls in this approach.
Maggie,
These are a few of the biggest challenges: not creating a false sense of security AND accommodating all allergens. There was one point at the allergy table at my daughter’s last school where the nut allergic child brought tuna, but then there was a fish allergic child, who sat next to the dairy allergic…..
This is a very tough subject when dealing with the younger children. As the kids age, they get better and better about not spitting while they eat, spilling and knocking stuff over.
My kids ate off of placemats by default since they had attended a Montessori preschool that required it and I really say, it was GREAT on all levels.
I really like the tray idea since a tray can be washed, if you are not using disposable. I saw some trays that were not too big at our local restaurant supply house. Could the school purchase a few of those?
Although, I am a fan of the placements since they can unfold them and then using the Wrap N Mat on top really helps too.
Share back on how it goes this year.
Interesting entry and comments. I am a fan of the nut free table, especially for younger children. I think in probabilities, and anything that decreases the daily probability of trouble is ok by me! I think the transition to ‘regular’ tables can occur gradually, and at developmentally appropriate times. The allergic child may be ready, but classmates may be slower in their natural maturation to a stage where they are not accidentally flinging food, spreading crumbs, spilling, and touching things with messy hands.
I also was worried that it was socially stigmatizing and isolating, and then halfway through the year last year my son’s wonderful and sensitive teacher started a “Friday friends” program where kids get paired up each Friday with a different friend. They do specified activities together, and eat lunch together. She actually emailed the parent of my son’s Friday friend each week encouraging them to pack a nut free lunch so they could join him at the table! That made me realize that I can be more proactive, so this year I plan on reaching out to more parents, both to invite their child over to play at our house, and to invite them to the nut free table some days.
(Also- for a nice product that keeps the lunch off the table, we love PlanetBoxes!)
Hi Laura,
What a fabulous teacher and idea: Friend Fridays. That really gently pushes children to socialize and explore other types of friendships. She sounds like a very impressive teacher who needs to be a role model for others. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I really enjoyed your probabilities concept! Reducing risk and explaining the need to reduce risk often resonates with folks when we are trying to tell our story. Good tip!
I need to order some new lunch items. My son and daughter started fighting over containers this week. He is in high school and she is in elementary school–you think fighting over lunch items would not exist.
Have a great day.
We are currently dealing this issue. My son just started first grade and eats alone at the nut free table, which he’s very sad about. It’s like being punished for having an allergy. I have to contact other parents and get permission for their child to sit with him and then submit that name to the nurse who then mails the allergy guidelines to those parents. It’s also possible those children may not want to sit away from their class and he will still be alone. Trying to find another solution… I wish the school was just nut free like many in the area! There are other nut allergies in his grade but parents don’t want them ostracized and their allergies aren’t as bad so they sit at the class table.
Erin, thanks for sharing. At my daughter’s last school, she had the ability to invite a pal to the table, but since the table had lots of interesting kids sitting at it she was pleased. The kids who were invited, did not have to go through “approval” other than an adult confirming the lunch to was okay—no visible nuts.
Can you speak to the school counselor and nurse about this? What makes me feel uneasy, is that for child to eat with your son the family must be “approved” and required to read something. That feels like barriers are being put up. Why can’t the nurse simply create a document to be shared with all classmates stating the needs of the nut free table?
I would suggest speaking to the school counselor regarding the social isolation and how will the school address this issue? That broke my heart to read that a child with a real health condition is being be isolated.
Hang in there and keep up the good fight! How long does this “permission to eat” at the nut free table process take? Ugh!!
Please keep us posted and post back about what happens. Sending you good thoughts from Reno!!!
I teach in a district that established a nut-free kindergarten class this past year. Prior to grouping children in the 5 kindergarten classes, parents were informed about guidelines re: this particular class and those who were willing to adhere to the guidelines signed a permission slip of sorts. Students were placed in that class from the pool of parents who signed-on. This eliminated resistance from uninformed parents as well as the need for a peanut-free table at lunch, etc.
Tina,
Thanks for joining the conversation. That is very interesting. If folks want to opt out they can?! Are there any social ramifications or peer pressure in their direction regarding parents who sign on versus those who don’t?
My daughter is in the 7th grade, and was integrated into public school beginning in the 4th grade. We live in a small town; unfortunately, most of the kids had already formed their “groups” by the time my daughter arrived. The elementary school provided a peanut-free table, but most kids couldn’t/wouldn’t sit by the “new allergy girl.” For most of the 5th grade, she sat alone, looking out over the cafeteria with all of the other kids laughing and visiting while they ate. She’s so afraid to sit at a “regular” table, because her allergy is a contact allergy, and so severe.
Now, we’re in middle school, when socialization is even more important, and being different is so much harder. The “friends” she’s made won’t commit to not bringing nuts, and often pass by her peanut-free table to sit with others. This is a daily source of anxiety for my daughter – “Will my friends have nuts today? Will anyone sit with me?” It seems most kids want to feel some sort of power over another kid, and exercise it against her. While it’s not bullying, it’s incredibly hurtful.
The school has let her sit in the office for the past couple of months for lunch, but is now wanting her back in the cafeteria. I really am at loss, short of driving to the school every day and eating with her in the parking lot. She’s a strong girl, extremely intelligent, a leader, mature for her age, so she “gets” what’s happening. She’s begging for home schooling, but we can’t afford for me to quit my job. I fear the additional isolation, as well. I’m trying not to be the helicopter mom, but she has a heart condition that’s complicated by the added stress. I’m trying hard to balance the “push” for her to socialize while attempting to remove the large stress factors from her life, for her heart’s sake.
So, here are my questions for you and your readers:
1. How much farther could a 504 take us to force the school to let her eat somewhere besides the cafeteria? What are the downsides to taking it to the “504 level?”
2. How do other families help their kids through these middle school years?
3. Does anyone have any other ideas on how I could help the situation, or the school district, help our daughter and the other food allergy kids? We’re a small town – 3 elementary schools, one middle school & one high school – but we are enrolling more and more kids with severe food allergies. My heart breaks for my daughter, and for these other kids, too.
We have an allergies table and it doesn’t single the children out if anything it gives them a chance to meet children with similar allergies and intergrates them into a wider friendship circle one where birthday parties are never a bother and sleepovers and friends coming to stay is a breeze.
It’s an amazing concept and as long as parents are educated about its benefits rather that sitting around fearing the worst then it will be a positive step in any schools direction.
I have 2 children that are severely allergic to peanuts. A peanut free table is too much like segregation. When I mentioned this to the principal, she immediately got rid of it and my children’s’ classes became peanut free classes.
I don’t think there should ever be “peanut free” table, but instead a “peanut table” where anyone eating peanut butter sits. This way there is different kids sitting there everyday and a monitor can make certain that that group of kids washes their hands thoroughly. This usually leads to parents just not sending their kids with peanut products to school because they don’t want THIER kids at a different table.