..hate! Well, I knew it would come to visit one day and it did last week: haters visited Gratefulfoodie. I deleted their messages and turned on my Moderate Comments function. I don’t like doing that since I enjoy our organic natural conversations (I’ve since turned it off). The haters attacked Georgina Cipriano, the grieving mother of Giovanni who tragically died from a peanut allergic reaction. They were lashing out on this blog post, Peanut Death Will Not Stop Gio’s Family I was disturbed for two reasons:
First, they were not attacking me. This is an open conversation I’ve created and you are invited to share your thoughts. BUT…if you are going to take a direct swing, then it needs to be at me, not at another food allergy community member. We enjoy an open conversation here, haters not welcome. Thought provokers are. Second, what kind of human takes jabs at a grieving mother, who with unthinkable strength, pushes through her grieving to work towards saving my child’s life? Georgina works to make sure none of us have the same experience.
Hater Protocol. There should be some rules for haters who post. Clearly, some of these haters were people terrified by life threatening food allergies and were trying to validate that Gio’s death was due to neglectful parenting (really, people thought this). Some, I sadly believe are just living a very painful life and this is how they communicate – with hate and venom. Therefore, here are my proposed rules for haters:
Rules for Haters who post:
Think Victorian. I am always amused when watching films based in Victorian times and how polite people were when they were insulting each other or challenging someone to a duel. Hate with politeness.
Post Your photo. Identify yourself with a photo or way for others to find you so we can have a face to face conversation. My guess is that you would never say in person what you post on the internet. It’s easy to be aggressive while sitting behind an anonymous computer screen. Looking into Georgina’s eyes might elicit another type of response from you.
Seek Knowledge. Generally, posts are rooted in ignorance. Before you post your hateful message, consider learning about the topic and post your hate intelligently.
Seek Support. No good ever comes to one’s soul that is full of hate. Find a professional to help you climb out of your sadness. If you were happy, I highly doubt you would bash a grieving mother.
One of the hardest things I find about managing both life threatening food allergies and asthma is talking to others. I hate to be the one that might be perceived as demanding, pushing or for asking too much. What I now know, fourteen years later, is that honest, clear information presented with kindness works!..
It makes me sad to think that other people feel it so necessary to do this, especially considering what is being discussed. I would never, ever do anything so cruel to a family that had lost their child! Do we all question our decisions as parents, food allergic or not? Yes, always all of the time. Do we seek validation- no, what we truly need is someone to just listen. This lashing out was not really about the family, it was something within the offending poster that felt it necessary to do such a thing. There will always be people out there questioning, opposing and that’s fine but for every one of those people, there are so many more that will show strength for our food allergy community and those are the voices that count the most.
It’s a sad day when haters visit. This is a good place brimming with positivity!
I love your rule about posting a photo. A good one whether your comment is negative, positive or in-between. We need to remind ourselves and ask, “Would I say this face-to-face?”.
Heather,
That’s it…would I say this face to face? I get the power of coming from a place of fear, but yikes. Say brutal things about Georgina? Really. It is easy even on Facebook to get preachy or judgemental. Sometimes I even stop and ask myself if I’m actually contributing to the conversation or just venting over something else–something completely unrelated.
I really just love that Taylor Swift Video…what a great reminder.
Very simply and eloquently put, Caroline. This poor woman is trying to make the best of a personal tragedy by helping others learn from her misfortune. She shows unbelievable bravery and generosity of spirit. A little humility by the rest of us is in order. “There but for the grace of God go I” should be the guiding sentiment.
It breaks my heart to think anyone could lash out and say hateful things to any one grieving the loss of thier child. Caroline i agree with everything you said and i often repeat the very statement to others who do not understand and so make careless remarks about what its like to have or live having life theeatening food allergies “EDUCATE YOURSELF” !! Do not say things with out knowing facts. And i am beyond grateful for Georgiana for be brave enough yo share her story ( i dont think id have the strength) but because of her i changed my sons plan of action this year. Benadryl will not being given for any signs of ana an epi will be used and 911 called immediately. She’s not only teaching people who do not live with food allergies but she’s also helping and has helped many of us who have lived for years and years with food allergies understand even better how to handle an emergency!
Joy, EXACTLY! I’ve been personally influenced by Georgina to speak up louder when I hear parent’s say, my child’s allergy is “not that bad”. She has saved lives. Gio is saving lives. I am grateful for her strength and love for strangers. I had about 7 or so dark comments. My heart truly broke for those who live their lives in such a dark place. I hope they find peace and leave their hate behind.
Well said. Keep carrying your torch! Your blog is a bright corner in a world that isn’t always so. I always appreciate your positive and proactive outlook that you share with your readers.
Thanks Dee for your kind and supportive words. You are right, this world can be very dark and I feel that we need to help each other keep our eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel. I also must say, that I truly appreciate those who let us all vent, feel crazy and then talk us down from the ledge. Thanks for being part of our community. Your words truly have made my day!
This was shared on a FB page and here’s what I wrote. I am so upset that Georgina (and you) received poor treatment.
“Wow- – What Georgina did to attempt to SAVE her son is probably what many of us would have done. It wasn’t until recently, and mostly through the expansion of allergy-related FB pages and Georgina’s earnest efforts, that the word has gotten out to ditch the Benadryl and do things differently. Many doctors and parents don’t even know that yet. Unfortunately, we all learned through what happened to them, but she and he family bears the most unthinkable pain. Shame on those who felt they would do so much better.” The haters just need to be grateful they weren’t in her shoes at that fateful moment.
Amen! The haters should be grateful they are not in Georgina’s shoes. Georgina is the symbol of truth and hope. We ditched the Benedryl too in fear of someone (me) reaching for it first. Thanks for joining the conversation.
I would love to say I am shocked, but sadly, it would be a lie. I (and another mom) have been the recipients of some serious ugliness in our time! Way to tackle the haters head on!
Jeanette, Sorry to hear you have your own little personal batch of haters. On one hand it’s sad, on the other hand that means that you are saying something that either scares someone to look at the truth or that you are leader. Leaders are attached often!