Take a wild guess at what I believe is the secret weapon to preventing food allergies? When Elijah Silvera had his life taken away too soon due to eating a sandwich containing his allergen while at preschool, I just could not get my head around how could this have happened? Why do some children sail through school with food allergies just fine while others struggle with annoyed parents or face bullies? Why do some people go out of their way to address food allergies while others could care less?
While reading this fun, yet powerful article posted on Blunt Moms, “Farts are Funny; Food Allergies Are Not”, penned by Jenna Barclay, author of the blog site Adventures in Mom Jeans, some epiphanies came to me. I made a mental note over this sentence in the article, “With every roll of your eye, every huff of annoyance, your kids are watching”. This former teacher’s article cleverly incorporated humor to drive home some serious points about food allergy jokes and managing the condition.
Barclay is right. Our kids do silently watch, learn and register our actions. My daughter, Leila, was frustrated with a fellow classmate. Before she spoke to her friend, I reminded her to be compassionate during the conversation so that she could actually “hear” the other person. The discussion ended well as my daughter was able to understand that her friend was approaching things from a very different perspective and meant no harm.
Compassion was the powerhouse here. Leila has seen our family approach challenging situations with compassion and now she had the opportunity to use it. Musing over my daughter’s successful chat, it finally dawned on me.
Maybe, just maybe, one reason some food allergy situations are harder or end in epic failure is that the glue that holds food allergy education, policy and protocol together is invisible. It can’t be found in a document as a requirement or a box to be checked off. Is it simply compassion which is needed?
Compassion is a potent influencing force that fuels and drives us to embrace, engage and approach situations with an open heart and mind.
Picking up my son from college this weekend, I felt the compassion of his campus’ dining service staff, who took the time to chat while I ate in their dining hall. I felt their authentic desire to keep him safe as they made plans to hammer out an upcoming event in August.
I wonder, did the teachers and staff at the New York City preschool who failed little Elijah have compassion for him and his condition. If so, could it have impacted the management of Elijah’s allergies? Have the kids in the schoolyard who chase food allergic classmates with allergen loaded sandwiches been exposed to compassion?
Inviting compassion into our conversations might be the tool that we need for successful food allergy education and advocacy. Not only to help send us to deliver our messages but for us to use too, to hear the needs or fears of others.
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One of the hardest things I find about managing both life threatening food allergies and asthma is talking to others. I hate to be the one that might be perceived as demanding, pushing or for asking too much. What I now know, fourteen years later, is that honest, clear information presented with kindness works!..
Excellent article Caroline! I wish I could have expressed this single word to the school staff when they asked us “what are you looking for to keep your daughter safe?” Instead, we negotiated exhaustive requests such as safe classroom food lists, Epinephrine location, lunch seating, special event protocols, etc. Each day I thought, “what am I forgetting for her day to day safety?”. It was compassion that could have – and should have been first and foremost leading the way to safety in her life. 💕
Agreed, in hindsight, I was I was clearer that I was seeking support and compassion. Without compassion, we are simply checking off boxes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you for writing this and bringing light to the idea that compassion is a tool we can all use to face food allergies. (And thank you for the shout out, too!)
Jenna, I love your writing! Please write more about food allergies. We need your voice, your talent and your sense of humor which is intertwined with common sense.