Food Allergies: Your Mother-Inlaw Said What?

How many times have we either shared family horror stories or cried out, “…she really said that to you?” As much as we all love the holiday season, it brings on so much painful anxiety that only another food allergy moms might understand. Finding that balance between enjoying our loved ones and staying safe when tradition may call for ingredients can feel impossible. How do you tell your husband that his family recipe, handed down by generations, simply won’t work? Who wants to be the buzzkill ending decades worth of tradition? What do you do when a family member accuses you of trying draw attention to yourself when you share that butter is dairy?
The reality is that Great Auntie Sue, kissing our little cherubs with her walnut soaked lips might not end well. So, what do we do? How do we manage Aunt Sue? Can we profess our love to our family while just saying no to allergens that could harm our little ones? Even though my kids are older, I want to enjoy the holidays and not require my kids to have their coping mechanism set on full force as they pay attention to their environment instead of their family. I am sure you want to enjoy your family too! Here is one secret on how to find solutions to make it work, if you are having challenges:

CALL IN THE TROOPS!

Yup, call for help. It’s that simple. Don’t try to figure in out on your own. Call up other food allergy moms and ask how they handle the holidays. If you have access to a great family therapist, make an appointment. Aleasa Word, an Emotional Intelligence Coach, who I had the pleasure of presenting with at FABLOGCON, gave out life-changing tips during our session. Since, I’m not the expert here, I suggest checking out Aleasa’s individual or group Food Allergy Stress Management coaching. You can also email her at info@allergywords.com. The concept of Holidays was brought up and her advise was amazing!!
What I learned from her, is that honoring each other’s belief is important. Then, work with our spouse or partner to find solutions or even the new normal, while respecting and acknowledging their needs and/or desires. When my kids were first diagnosed, I felt as if their needs were the only important ones out there. But, the reality is that all of our feelings need to be honored and laid out on the table, and then from there, I found solutions. This includes looking at your Mother in-law’s needs too! Yes, I know, that can make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. She might feel that showing love to her family is through her special stuffing. Letting her voice that need and then finding a way for her to display her love to your wheat allergic child is key. Maybe she can make the stuffing for everyone else to enjoy with leftovers to be eaten in their own home, or create a new special tradition like baking a wheat-free pie with your child.
For my family, we took food allergies as the opportunity to create new traditions, including new dishes. To my surprise, I learned that I was the only one who enjoyed turkey. Hubby, my dad and the kids found turkey boring. Not only did we change the menu, we changed who sat at our Thanksgiving table. We invited friends over versus traveling to be with family, which was costly and sometimes stressful as we have a giant, often snow packed mountain to pass. Instead, we enjoy family time during better weather and friends drop by for allergen savvy grub and to sign our Thanksgiving tablecloth. Every year, I whip out the Sharpies and we all sign what we are grateful for. It’s sooo much fun to see who has dropped by over the years.
After speaking to others did I finally realize that I needed to give myself permission to just be and creating a special event that meets everyone’s need was just fine! When I say, everyone, that included making dishes that were denture friendly to grandparents who needed softer foods, etc., we didn’t stop at food allergies!
Hoping everyone enjoys a safe, healthy and Happy Thanksgiving!