Gina Mennett Lee, Food Allergy Educator and Consultant, shared this Huffington Post article, “Why Do Your Kid’s Allergies Mean My Kid Can’t Have a Birthday?” on facebook the other day. Gina shared it not because the article was controversial or could cause a few hairs on a parent’s neck to raise up. She shared it because of the cultural shift she noticed within the comment section–people were positive. The article talked about schools, celebrations and the denial of cake. What stood out to me were two things: first, just why do some schools focus on food celebrations when other schools focus on dance parties, games and movies? Second, I think schools/classroom parents are forgetting the child with allergies and the labels and shame for having a disease that are slapped across them.
Food Allergy Birthday Cake from Sensitive Sweets
That is the big issue for me: what about that child with the life threatening disease? Why aren’t parents who fear their child’s school experience will be lessened by lack of cupcakes concerned about the shame and emotional impact the child with food allergies is experiencing? Do people stop and ask themselves how would their little pumpkin feel if they were left out and had witnessed adults being mad at them for having a disease? My daughter felt shame and guilt this last year when a boy sighed in class why does his class had to have kids with food allergies? She eventually spoke to the boy, who felt horrible when he realized how it hurt it her. He did not mean for her to feel bad for being who she was: a fun girl who plays sports with the boys who is allergic to tree nuts. She still has guilt that her presence can cause kids to not enjoy something. This is plain wrong.
School children with life threatening food allergies are given an adult dose of reality and are tasked to avoid common everyday items. They fully understand that if they flub it up they risk death. Add to that stress the children witnessing adults having debates and conversation over cupcakes. Just what do the food allergic children think of these conversations from their point of view? Years ago, I testified at hearing in Nevada along with three teenage girl who also testified on behalf of students being able to carry epinephrine and inhalers at school. At one point, one girl asks the committee why would is be okay for her to go to school and be afraid of dying? Once she gave her perspective, the committee realized that no one had looked at it from the student’s view-point and the testimony was stopped to vote in favor the bill and the girls (which made its way into law).
I am hoping these discussions continue and expand into addressing the shaming and labeling of food allergic children. I sometimes find it flat-out silly that in a developed country we are having issues about cupcake rights. Really?
p.s. Since I’m on my soap box today; My daughter’s class had a full on sugar fest for Valentine’s Day and the items that were most consumed: heart-shaped cucumber slices, heart-shaped organic cheddar cheese (no dairy allergies in the class), giant mountain of melon, blueberries and strawberries and sparkling apple cider with a strawberry. The only leftovers were cupcakes and cookies! Just sayin…
One of the hardest things I find about managing both life threatening food allergies and asthma is talking to others. I hate to be the one that might be perceived as demanding, pushing or for asking too much. What I now know, fourteen years later, is that honest, clear information presented with kindness works!..
I hear you, Caroline! I can’t believe we’re still having fights over cupcakes when the kids prefer the healthier, safer choices more often than not. I’ve seen it in all grades and ages, and part of that is because of the emphasis on healthier eating. Why not carry it through to the parties? That answer, I cannot give you other than people still feel entitled to whatever they want, whenever they want it, and it is honestly a little selfish.
I know of people who cannot send their kids to school outside the home because of food allergies and they are criticized for it. They (the food allergy parents) don’t want to impose or have their kids feel guilty for others not being able to have their treats, and people rant at them that they have the “right” to go to a school outside the home, so they should! Yet, those same people (the non-food allergy parents who insisted the food allergy kids should go to a public school) would rant if you banned cupcakes or peanut butter due to those food allergies. It just doesn’t make sense! You can’t have it both ways.
The truth of it all is that as long as we feel entitled and cannot be denied, the longer we are willing to risk others lives for an inconvenience. It is sad and silly. Yes, people with allergic children or disabled children do make the choice to send kids to public places despite the risks, partly because they want them to be able to learn how to survive in society, partly because they have no other choice, HOWEVER this does not negate the right of other to show compassion. We have forgotten to teach that. We have encouraged selfishness, and that breaks my heart.
I get being upset about your kid not being able to make the same memory as you did, but honestly? I think the real reason we get upset is because we’re afraid that our kids will be unpopular if we can’t bring in the sweets and that just simply isn’t true. You know what my kids remember and talk about all the time? Not the ice cream one kid brought in, not the cupcakes brought in, but the kindness of others or the cool activity they got to do. See, cupcakes and ice cream are not the treat they used to be. They aren’t a big deal. Sweets will be forgotten, but sweetness never will be. I, personally, would rather be known as the compassionate one vs. the sugar queen, just sayin’.
(Sorry for the rant, but I’m passionate about this, too! 🙂 )
Thank you, Caroline, for addressing the emotional impact this issue (food allergy management). has on the child. Somewhere along in this public debate, many seem to have forgotten where our focus should be, on the child.
I am the owner of Sensitive Sweets and my son suffers from severe food allergies, and has gone into shock twice (like me). It’s an incredibly serious issue, that most people do not understand unless they know someone anaphylactic. I try my best to educate others about it, so they can realize it’s not a choice…my son and I can die from certain foods. Its best to educate the schools, so they can make rules to provide a safe environment for everyone. Thank you so much for writing about this and providing awareness!!!!!
So good to hear from you Melanie–especially from someone who cupcakes are your life–and we are grateful to you for that!. I keep hoping we can continue this wonderful education and not because of a tragedy.